The Best Way to Discuss Your Wedding Guest List with Parents and In-Laws
It's difficult to make a guest list for a wedding. Determining who in your life gets the nod of approval can be stressful, especially if you're having a smaller wedding. Parents and in-laws frequently want a voice in who will be invited to the wedding day, especially if they are paying for all or part of the celebration. The couple being married probably has strong feelings about who they want around them on their special day.
To guide you through the challenging process of creating your wedding guest list, I’ll walk you through various methods for deciding who to invite to the wedding and what to do if there are any issues while generating a list and double-checking it. These suggestions can make the procedure easy and enjoyable rather than stressful.
Who Gets to Decide Who Attends the Wedding?
The big question is: Does the engaged couple have the last say? Or is the decision made by the person who paid for the event? The fact that practically every ideal guest list must be condensed complicates things further.
The size of your location and your overall budget are what ultimately determine your guest list. Therefore, even if you and your family want to invite plenty of people, it's not always practical to have that many invitations sent out.
In the end, it's up to the you, as the couple, to decide who you want to have by your side when you’re voicing your thoughts on the guest list. This is after all your big moment. I believe that being surrounded by the people you love on your wedding day is the most important factor, thus the ultimate decision should be up to you and your future spouse. This is particularly valid if you and your partner are paying for everything yourself.
How to Have a Smooth Discussion When Creating Your Guest List
Even though it could be uncomfortable to have a conversation like this with your own family, but doing so will help the conversations. I advise setting up a formal, sit-down meeting with your in-laws or parents to discuss the two major issues of your wedding budget and guest list. These two matters should be discussed seriously because they are interrelated, especially if your parents or in-laws have offered to contribute. Tell them you'd like to meet to talk about wedding financing so you can choose your budget and guest list.
Set a target guest count and assign a specific number of guests to each side of the family before the meeting. One piece of advise, is to let your parents, in-laws, and any contributing parties know how many guests you plan to invite. Give everyone a set amount of invitees and a deadline by which they must submit their list to you. You can either divide it up and speak to each parent separately or have a single, lengthy conversation with both sets of parents.
The Best Way To Handle Any Conflict
When there is a dispute over the wedding guest list, there is no one right way to handle it.
This will depend on each individual case.
Some people feel more comfortable than others confronting a disagreement when it involves their in-laws, for instance. If you and your in-laws are really close, it will be simpler to talk directly to them about any issues or disagreements. You may rely on your partner to manage these difficult conversations if you are not very close to them. To put it another way, you might want to get in touch with your parents, just as your partner might want to coordinate with theirs.
My advice would be to make sure you are both present when discussing your guest list. This helps eliminate any miscommunication and further conflict in the future.
The most important factor is to share the same goal as your partner. You want to feel at ease with everyone in the room since it's your wedding. As a result, it's important to participate in the discussions as a team. The best advice is to align your thinking with your partner's. Decide on the number of guests, the number of guests your parents or in-laws may invite, and any restrictions on who may attend, such as only those you and your fiancé have actually seen in person. It is simpler to have these conversations and establish ground rules up front so that the discussions between your families goes well.
It's also a important to keep in mind that your parents or in-laws can have strong feelings about who should attend. But this is because they are proud of you and just as excited about your wedding. That they want their friends and family to be there to take part in your celebration.
